Never Settle

Back in my mid 30's I had one of many lighthearted conversations with my mother (God rest her soul). As a drummer I was on the road a lot but at this time I was in between gigs and temporarily crashing back at my folk's home. The set up was cool; I got to hang with my parents, do laundry and ate home cooked meals that were far better than what I found out on the road.

It was a groovy set-up so long as I didn't stay too long—none of us wanted that. As my mother was crocheting and I was enjoying the sweet pleasure of a cold Canadian beer she said, "Son, over the years your father and I have met your brother's girlfriends prior to his getting married, same goes for your sister and her boyfriends prior to her wedding."

"Uh-huh," I said knowing where this was headed and planning my sly response.

"So, what gives? Why haven't you brought anyone for us to meet?"

"Mom," I said forcing back a smile. "The kind of dames—"

"Women," she interjected.

"Right, women I date aren't the type of chicks a guy brings home to his mother. Uh-uh, not a chance."

I did my damnedest to hold my deadpan stare but a grin was forming. Mom's who know better than anybody when their sons are "pissing around" grabbed the nearest magazine within reach and hurled it at me.

"Stop playing the fool, I'm trying to be serious," she said attempting to hold back her smile.

"Oh, I'm dead serious you should see some o' these dames! Nuh-uh, I'm not bringing them within 20 yards of this place." I stared at the ceiling with a smile as if replaying a dirty memory in my head. My mother grabbed magazine number two and fired it with more heat and accuracy than the first mag. I partially blocked the projectile but took some of it on the head.

"That's abuse! And you're my mother," I bellowed in mock outrage.

Mom appeared frantic as she searched for more magazines. I'll never forget how she'd laugh then gather herself, scold me, then be taken by laughter again. And man was her laugh infectious! Finally she pulled herself together.

"I'm serious son!"

"Then why are you laughing?"

"Because...because you're such an ass."

"Ah, physical and verbal abuse. Now you know why I spend so much time on the road."

"Oh, bullshit."

I considered dragging this thing out for more laughs be it wouldn't have worked with mom. If she put a question to you she'd get an answer one way or another. Eventually I caved and spilled.

"Ya see mom, I'm a party. And whoever I meet needs to bring something to this party," I said pointing at my chest. "I'm alone but not lonely. And I will never...settle...ever!"

My mother pulled off her glasses and gave me a hard look. I eyed the exit in case something heavier than a magazine was coming next.

After a time she said, "Coming from you son, I'll accept that answer because you are a party, as you say. You bring happiness to people and you make them laugh and I'm actually glad you'll never settle just because you don't want to be alone."

This was too easy. It had to be a trap, although setting traps wasn't in my mother's nature. If she had something to say or had wisdom to impart she'd bring it straight as an arrow.

"Really? You buy that? Cause it's the truth but, really? You're satisfied?"

"Yes," she said putting her glasses back on.

"Thanks for getting me mom. And when I do meet the right one you and Daddy-O will be the first to know."

"Thanks son."

You better run!!!

I headed for the door as she returned to her crochet.

"Until I meet Mrs. Right can I tell you about some of the hot chicks I've met on the road?"

I bolted out the door because this time she got hold of Tony Hillerman's latest 400 page mystery novel...and it was a hard cover!