The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Saw...

 I'm in a tangled relationship with cancer. But you knew that. If you didn't know, now you know. That's not what I'm here to talk about..not entirely. I'd taken my home chemo pack and just read thirty pages of a Brad Parks novel. I turned off my reading light and a delayed flash of light lingered where full illumination once was. Happens right? No biggie. That was, until the light flash took on the vibrant colors and shapes of a moving kaleidoscope. Hmm, that's odd. Oh, wait this was like when you rubbed your eyes too hard as a kid, it'll pass in a second...any second now. I lay and thought 'what is chemo doing now bro?'

As if to answer my question I could pick out shapes, human shapes. My mind catapulted back in time to a
wild mushroom trip I once enjoyed. But this was better than that. These people were African, and mostly women. My god my ancestors are here! I wanted to roar. I leaned across to my wife to wake her, she's got to see this. No!...she'll think I'm insane...uh, more insane than the baseline norm. I let her sleep. I often feel my ancestor's presence, usually when I'm a backed into a corner, of which I usually voluntarily travel to. But I never see them. I've not yet risen to that level of privilege. 

The women wore the most vibrant colors we've all seen and love. They danced all around my bedroom. There was no sound, but the movement was real and the party grew and grew. Dang, I wanted to hear their song. Are you kidding me? I'm a drummer, a talent they passed onto to me. My current, cognitive brain attemtped to explain what was happening; this is a hallucinatory a side effect of the chemo drugs. You are over-tired and need to close your eyes and—

Hey, brain! No need for an explanation, you're bumming my high and I'm going with it. This is no hallucination and this a'int no dream, this is a vision! People go entire lifetimes without ever experiencing a vision. So brain, please stand down, I got this.

My African sisters have arrived to help me in my struggle with the nasty invader. Naturally my people do it with celebration, not head bowed morose chant-droning. We love life, we celebrate life, we fight for life. This was the real deal Hollyfield! My bedroom was packed to the ceiling. Different dance steps all while the women's wardrobe literally changed with each bump of a hip or hop in the air. That was when I saw the men. They seemed to be the elders standing vigil over the dance—vigil over me. The vision was easily five minutes deep by this time. The seed of worry crept in.

Has my mind cracked?

Hush up Jonathan. Would a Buddhist monk wonder if he was meditating too long? Embrace brother, embrace. I decided to have fun with it. I can often control the events of my dreams, what I believe Jung referred to as Lucid dreaming. I asked the ancestors if I'd bear witness to any Masai warriors and before I could finish my telepathic message, boom! The warriors stood surrounding my bed. Their heads mere centimeters beneath the ceiling with spears poking up through the ceiling. Bad ass! I felt their power. I felt my own power. A power that has always been within me but only because they bestowed it upon me when I was a child. I felt alone in the world the first time I experienced racism. But not the second time. Something changed. The ancestors arrived and stood behind me. My own personal battalion behind me, and within me.

The women continued to dance and the Masai began to leap in the air. My bedroom was going to be trashed...so trash away brothers and sisters, I'll clean up later. I checked on my wife. She may have been awake and paralyzed with fear. I was enjoying the vision but the wife's safety comes first. She was sound asleep. When I turned back to front and center, the dancers had slipped to the deeper recesses of the room. The Masai bid me farewell. The sisters and brothers were now stripped down to skeletal form. The movements changed. This was no longer a festival, this was a battle. Are they battling my cancer? If so, how can I help? I'm not a sideline guy, especially if you've come to fight for me. Flashes of color appeared to be gobbled up by sinister skeletal creatures. Oh shit, this was the battle between heaven and hell. Angles vs. Demons. What were the rules here? Do I stay out unless called upon by the angels? I'm so not scriptured up. Ready for battle, just say the word. My rational brain, instead of offering up a rational explanation went left on me: 'You wanted the vision, this is the vision. Your questions are fear based and we don't play that. You have so few fears thanks to your battalion, as you call it. So, lay back and observe.'

And so I did. I witnessed a brutal fight over me. Siting idly by didn't sit well with me at all. That's when the creatures seemed to get past my guard and tentacles spread all over me. Ah, here's my part of the fight. They were trying to scare me. I didn't need a sword, knife or spear. All I needed was faith. Check that box, baby! I stared into the center of this 'thing'. It stared back at me. I put that thing in my eyes that my older brother referred to as my "deadly look". It is a look that I rarely use, but it is quite simple. In my thoughts I look at whatever that thing or person was that wanted to hurt me and say, "you're here to harm me, and maybe you will but I'm going to lay a beating on you that you'll never forget—win, lose or draw. You started this, but I'm probably going to finish it."

The beast sent more tentacles. I swiped at them. They dissipated like smoke. I checked my wife, they were around her as well. I whisked them away. Threat neutralized. I lay back and let the play, play out. I looked up near the ceiling and saw gargoyle-like creatures watching like fight managers scouting a fighter. "I can do this all night," I told them. "I'm built for this. The perfect actor for the three-act play; the chosen one who never wanted to be chosen but will stand up just the same."

And like that...they dissolved. Tentacles receded. The room was empty for a moment. I was about to lie back and a take a slow digestive repose when the Masai returned. They stared down at me statue still with spears gripped in strong fingers. I cast my eyes from soldier to soldier and telepathed a thank you to each one. After giving thanks to the final warrior, they disintegrated.

Other than the time I saw a woman in a red dress at a wedding who would later become my bride, the vision was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!